A small gesture...

I don't talk about Gabe as much as I used to... time goes on, and as much as I hate it-life goes on. I've accepted that, and try to go with the flow of things. Keep up with life, try not to get stuck left behind. When you lose a child you really only have two options, and somehow I found the strength to keep going. I don't even think it was strength really, more like numbness that allowed me to keep functioning until I could start to live again. Anyway, as time has gone on, I have found that I don't mention him as much as I used to. It's not that I don't think of him every minute of everyday, and I still do a lot of charity work in his memory... but I guess I just keep more of him to myself. I'm not as open to telling strangers about him when they ask how many children I have... I just don't have the energy always to deal with the awkwardness that comes after.
The other day I saw someone I knew through work who I haven't seen in almost a year. We weren't ever close, but we would occasionally have some small talk in passing. In quickly catching up with her, she asked me how Ayla was doing and if I had pictures. I took out the wallets that I carry with me and started to show them to her. As I was flipping through them, one of Gabe was in there. She knew I had a son that passed away, but not much else. When I got to Gabe's picture, I quickly flipped it to the back of the pile knowing how uncomfortable it makes a lot of people and didn't want to make her feel awkward. She reached over to the pictures and pulled it back out to look at it and started asking questions and commenting on how much Ayla looked like him, how cute he was, etc... It made me feel so good to have someone I barely knew confidently and happily acknowledge Gabe as a part of my family. I doubt she even has any idea how much that small gesture meant to me.