Baby Rat...yes I said rat

Ok, I am going to start out by saying that as you read this you may think I'm crazy, but thats OK, I have accepted that most of my friends and family do. I am an animal lover. I have three cats, a rabbit, and three rats who are my babies. I know, most people freak out over the rat thing, but they are wonderful animals no matter what anyone says. Anyway, my animals have really been a huge comfort to me in the last few months. They are always there, willing to listen, and they give you unconditional love.
Since I am the crazy animal lover, when ever a friend or a friend of a friend finds a sick or injured animal I am always the first person they call, I can't say no. On sunday I got a call from a close friend saying that her friend found a baby rat in a parking lot and wanted to know if I will take care of it. Of course I end up taking it and bringing it home. The rat was probably only about a week old, barely had fur and hadn't even opened its eyes yet. So I start by contacting rat breeders (yes the do exist, rats are becoming popular pets) and find out exactly what I need to do for it. I buy the special soy baby formula, feed it every 3 hours, keep it warm, everything I am supposed to do. It looked like it was doing good the last couple of days and like always I started to fall in love with it. This morning when we went to feed it, it looked really sick and ended up dying in my hands. I KNEW it would probably die when I got it, it was soooo young and was probably sick. I have had sick animals die on me before. There is always a good chance they will end up dying, there is only so much you can do. You know and accept that when you take in sick animals. But this has hit me hard today. It is bringing up all sorts of horrible feelings and emotions. All of a sudden I feel like everything I touch is going to die. I think with having to feed it and take care of it like a baby, and wanting to be a mom sooo bad, I kinda unconciously became its mom and now that its died I cant seem to handle it. I know that sounds completely insane, but thats how I feel right now...completely nuts! I feel like I just lost my baby all over again. I think I am going crazy.

Well thats about it. I just needed to vent for a bit. I thought I was doing so good with the grieving thing, this has just knocked me down when I wasn't looking. It feels like it will never end. I miss my son!