4am

Well it is 4 am and I have 2 1/2 more hours that I could be sleeping, but nope I am "wide awake". Grrrr, this is what makes the third trimester so difficult-and I am barely in it! I have a very active baby kicking like crazy inside of me, my leg won't stop cramping, I can't get comfortable, my back aches, and I am having the strangest dreams! So here I am in the wee hours of the morning trying to stay busy. Well, I guess its my bodies way of getting me ready for the sleepless nights to come when Makayla makes her big arrival. Oh, I can't wait. I know I really shouldn't be complaining, I would give up far more for my baby, but Nate is snoring away fast asleep.

We are trying to reorganize our apartment to have room for all the baby stuff we had stashed away-what a project this has turned into. I want to have the house all ready soon, but there is so much still to do. The nursery is a wreck since we shut it off after Gabe passed. The only time I have been in it since has been to throw some boxes in for storage. We have to completely take apart everything, clean it, and put it all back together. We finally opened up the door, and have been keeping it open, which I guess is the first step, but every time I look in there I start thinking.... When we got this apartment that wasn't "the nursery" it was "Gabe's Room"! Everything in it was put there while thinking about Gabe. It's hard to think that it's not Gabe's Room anymore. I just feel so weird about it all. I almost feel like setting it up for Makayla would be betraying Gabe. I know thats crazy, but it's a feeling I can't shake. I had really hoped to move into a new place before she came so we could start fresh, but unfortunately that isn't an option and we had to sign another years lease. I know I am going to have to get over all this and just go in there and do it... but I just don't know how.