Yup-he would have been. But he died....so instead he will forever be 2 months old.
Today was just one of those rough days that pop up every now and then. At least they are a lot less frequent. It started with a dream: I had two beautiful kids. One little girl and one little boy. The little boy was about two, was running around and had a mouth full of teeth. I looked at him and realized that I didn't remember him getting that big-or having any teeth. I asked him when he had grown...and he replied that I had missed it all b/c I was paying all my attention to Ayla.
Well, I think that's a pretty easy dream to interpret. I feel that nagging guilt that I am moving on with my life. No big revelation-it just sucks.
Then I got the mail, and right on top was a pampers flyer for pull ups that read: Your baby is 21 months old! Most days I could just toss it aside... but today it felt like a slap in the face. Ugh-yep, just one of those days.
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Oh hun.....I have tears reading this. I so remember those feelings of guilt following the loss of Noah-Alexander 9 yrs ago. Even now I tell myself that our angels want to see happy, smiling Mommies!
As for the mail. Ugh! I signed up to receive some of that stuff when I first got pregnant with Nimkee, NOT knowing he wasn't staying. As you know they ask for your due date. Just as I was returning home from losing him I received a can of infant formula and diaper samples in the mail. I cried for hours!!
((((BIG HUGS)))) We're in this together hun.....remember that always..xxoo
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