Work sucks

Work has been really stressful lately. I am a pastry chef and I LOVE to bake and do cakes. While I was prego with Gabe I didn't have a job for awhile and after he passed away I needed a low stress easy job. So I decided to apply at my local grocery store for a cake decorator position. At first it was perfect-part time, no major responsibilities, low stress and easy. After a little time and they discovered my manager experience, my schooling, and my work experience, they started pushing me towards a full time position. It required supervising a few employees, doing ordering, inventory, etc... I didn't want it and I tried to resist, but I am easily persuaded, which gets me into trouble, and in June I told them yes. Since then, we have had our busiest season in the stores history, been shorthanded, and lost one of our managers. I have had to pick up the slack and it was really wearing on me.

Anyway, after much debate with myself, and after my freak out the other day, I decided I couldn't do this to myself anymore. If I wanted responsibility I would have gone to a real bakery, I didn't even intend to work here more than a few months. The only part timer I have left put in her two weeks notice last week and we still can't find anyone to fill any of the positions, which was one of the last straws. Today I told my manager I was demoting myself until the baby is born at which time I am leaving and probably not coming back. She was not happy at all, but I am so relieved. I gave her my revised availability which gives me at least 3 days off! I also warned her that as the pregnancy progressed I would slowly be cutting my hours. I have so much to do at my house before Makayla makes her appearance and I want to enjoy this pregnancy. The stress has really been catching up with me lately as all I do is work and sleep. I think I will be much happier now with more time to do the things I want and need to.

It's A Girl

I am very happy to announce that we are having a girl! More importantly, everything seems to be growing at normal rates, and everything is where it should be! We got some of the test results back and so far they have all come back with low risk for things like Downs Syndrome and Trisomy 18. The only concern was some spotting I had this morning, which after an exam was determined to be caused by a polyp. They will be keeping an eye on it, but say it isn't something to worry about. We will be going back to Yale in 4 weeks for another level 2 ultrasound to make sure everything is still going well. We still have a long way to go but this was the first big hurdle and I feel like I can breathe a little easier. I won't feel completely comfortable until I have her in my arms, but we are one step closer! I know Gabe is watching over his little sister!

I have been tired and stressed lately. Going through a subsequent pregnancy is so difficult. I feel like I am constantly waiting for something to happen, and praying every step of the way that it doesn't. I cut my hours at work to give me more time to myself to get the things I need to done before she arrives.

Gabe's upcoming birthday is weighing heavily on my mind. I am so mixed about it. I don't want the day to pass unnoticed and feel I should do something to celebrate and honor my little boy, I just don't know what. One of the biggest things that is getting me through this each and every day is Cherubs. I can't express enough how much that organization has helped me move forward. I am now a representative for all of the New England states and NY and NJ. I know it will be a lot of work, but so would having a little boy running around, and since I can't have him I want spend my time helping others, spreading CDH awareness, and making him proud. I need to do something that matters. Hopefully I can recruit some helpers along the way from friends, family and other Cherub members.