Heartbeat!

They found the babies heartbeat!!! Which is the best news we have gotten in a long time. They couldn't find it with the doppler, which was normal since I was only 9 weeks along, but they did another ultrasound and the baby was very visible this time. We found the baby and the hearbeat immediately which was such a relief. I have been carrying around the ultrasound picture with me ever since. I can't believe I'm really pregnant. I am about 10 1/2 weeks along now and am just starting to get the baby bump.

This pregnancy has brought up a whole mixture of emotions. I don't even know where to begin. Overall I am very excited and happy, but it is laced with fear and guilt. I am afraid of so many things going wrong, but I am also afraid of having a hard time with being happy once this baby is born. I know I am not trying to, nor could I ever, replace Gabe...But yet I still feel a little guilty. I guess it is just that I feel guilty for moving on without him. I really wish I had my little boy now more than ever. I know I will never stop missing him. I just keep telling myself that this is not to replace Gabe, it is an earth sibling for Gabe to have and keep an eye on. Nothing now comes easy.

I go back to the doctors on August 16th for a check up. September will be a busy month with doctor visits. They will be giving me my first level 2 ultrasound to make sure everything is developing properly, and sending me to Yale for a high risk consult to evaluate my risk factors. Keep sending your prayers my way for my growing peanut.