Update

Well, again I have been meaning to update my blog for awhile now, but time has gotten away from me. I don't even know where to begin.

My birthday was a great one this year. Although I did not enjoy turning 25, just seems closer to 30 than I'd like-lol. Anyway, we drove out to Ohio for a CHERUBS picnic weekend and has a GREAT time. I know it will be the last trip for awhile so we really made the best of it. We stopped in PA to see Kate (another CHERUBS member) who was prego with twins, and delivered them a few days after we left Nate is having me get a tattoo for my birthday of Ayla's feet, but I still have yet to actually get it done. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

We are moving!!! Very excited about it. We found a great little duplex in Hope Valley. It's sooo much bigger than the place we have here and its in RI so it will be closer to family. I can't wait to get in there. Of course now comes the tedious chore of packing and cleaning for the next few weeks. This also means I have to find a new job. I'm going to start looking for a waitressing position for awhile until I figure out what my next step career wise will be.

Makayla is almost 8 months old and is doing wonderfully. She is reaching tons of milestones and is getting ready to crawl. I think it will be any day now.... I've started looking for a Halloween costume for her. There are so many cute ones out there it's hard to choose!

Gabe's birthday is fast approaching. It's hard to imagine he would be 2 years old. We are planning a Bowl-A-Thon on November 16th in his memory. I NEED to plan something to keep busy and keep the day positive. I'm really hoping it will be a success. Invitations will go out next week. Everyone is invited and welcome to participate so if you don't receive an invitation but would like to join us, please let me know!

Well, I guess thats enough rambling for now. I will try to update again soon!

Your Baby is 21 Months Old-Ugh!

Yup-he would have been. But he died....so instead he will forever be 2 months old.

Today was just one of those rough days that pop up every now and then. At least they are a lot less frequent. It started with a dream: I had two beautiful kids. One little girl and one little boy. The little boy was about two, was running around and had a mouth full of teeth. I looked at him and realized that I didn't remember him getting that big-or having any teeth. I asked him when he had grown...and he replied that I had missed it all b/c I was paying all my attention to Ayla.

Well, I think that's a pretty easy dream to interpret. I feel that nagging guilt that I am moving on with my life. No big revelation-it just sucks.

Then I got the mail, and right on top was a pampers flyer for pull ups that read: Your baby is 21 months old! Most days I could just toss it aside... but today it felt like a slap in the face. Ugh-yep, just one of those days.

Busy summer, almost over

This summer so far has been so busy! Looking back at the last time I wrote here, so much has gone on since.

We had Makayla baptized a few weeks ago. The baptism went well, Makayla was great! She looked like a doll all dressed up in her gown and bonnet. We had a lot more people show up to the after party than we expected, but it was great! It was so nice to have most of our family and a few friends there to celebrate with us. It was a beautiful (although a little hot) day.

We went to Raleigh, North Carolina for the CHERUBS conference-which was amazing! I really enjoyed meeting and spending time with some of the members I have been talking to the last 1 1/2 years. The whole weekend was great. The Angel Ball was beautiful-so romantic, the conference was very informative with some truly amazing speakers, the rest of the time we spent getting to know everyone and having fun. I don't think I have had that much fun in a long time.

Nate and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary July 31st. We actually didn't do much the day of since it was a work day for Nate, but we celebrated early with another couple, Jay and Brianna, and had a great time. They cooked us dinner and we went out to a late night comedy show. It was great to have a night away from baby-although I couldn't stop thinking about her the entire time

This summer has been a whirlwind and I can't believe it's almost over! I haven't even made it to the beach once this year or gone camping with Nate like we had hoped. Makayla is almost 6 months old...I sure wish time would slow down!

So much to do, so little time

I haven't written in a bit, not for lack of things to write, but lack of time. We have been keeping busy. This month we have traveled to PA for a CHERUBS camping trip, went to Cape Cod for Fathers Day with Nate's family, and visited Boston to meet up with some local CHERUBS members for a zoo trip. Life has been busy, but good.

Makayla is doing great! At her last appointment she measured in at 26 1/4" tall and 14 lbs 12 oz! She is in the 98th percentile in height. She continues to amaze us everyday. There is nothing better in life than walking into her nursery first thing in the morning and seeing her break out into a giant toothless smile as she grabs her feet and babbles. Today we went out and got her a jumper entertainment station-which she loves! It is so cute to watch her excitement at all the new toys.

We have a date set for her baptism. It will be the second sunday in July, so we have yet another event to plan! I look forward to it!

I have been thinking about getting another tattoo for my birthday and think I have decided on what I am getting! I want to get Ayla's footprints above Gabe's on my leg, and underneath Gabe's footprints around my ankle I am going to get an "anklet" type tattoo which will come out onto my foot and have an awareness ribbon on the end. I know most people think I'm nuts with my tattoos, but I think this will be the perfect way to finish off under Gabe's feet.

Well, there is so much more going on right now, but I don't have the time to type it all. Hopefully I will be able to update again soon!

Quick Update

It's been a little while since I've updated here. Life has been hectic but I am trying to enjoy the little moments.

Work is going well. It's hard getting up so early, but I love being out before the day really gets started. Being home with Makayla during the day is so rewarding.

Makayla is doing great. We continue to see improvement in her arm. She has started to hold things and is even starting to be able to put her binky back in her mouth on occasion She smiles constantly and can brighten my day in an instant with that beautiful toothless grin of hers. We have our daily "talks" as she is becoming more animated every day. She coos and mumbles and I think I have even heard a laugh or two! I love to watch her as her personality emerges.

My MIL and I have started a new project with CHERUBS. Gabriel's Gift is a project we have started to provide new and expectant parents of CDH babies with a tote bag filled with things they may need in the NICU. We are working very hard to get donations to put these together and hope to be able to start sending some out by the end of the summer. For more information on Gabriel's Gifts check out Gabe's website at: http://www.gabriel-nava.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8297&page_no=6

Happy Mothers Day

Well, today was definitely an easier day to go through than it was last year. Makayla being here makes me feel like a mom, finally. The day was still very bittersweet, not having both my children here with me makes me feel empty and reminds me that I have a huge piece missing. But Makayla reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for. I am thankful to have her to give all my love and attention, and I am also so thankful to have had my time with Gabe too. I love being a mother. It gives meaning to my life. I hope both my angels know how much I love them.

Nate made me such a sweet, beautiful card! I couldn't believe how cute and caring he was. It has pictures of *all* my babies in it-animals included It reminded me of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful guy!

I also got my mothers day present in the mail! I ordered a pair of "dog tag" pendants with copies of Makayla and Gabe's feet on one side and their names, bdates, times, and weights engraved on the back. Now they can both stay next to my heart always

Hoping everyone had a wonderful Mothers Day!

Life Marches On

Things are going well. We are starting to settle into a schedule and work is going smoothly so far. Makayla has started sleeping through the night! We put her in her crib last night for the first time, which I think was more difficult on me than it was on her. I am so used to having her sleep in the cradle next to me... I hated not being able to just reach over to check on her. I'm sure I will get used to it, but right now even though she is only in the next room over I feel like she is a world away. I never thought I would be one of those "paranoid, crazy" moms, but life has changed me this last year and a half.

Makayla's physical therapy is also going very well. Her arm is improving drastically and its so nice to see her moving it around and reaching for things with it. She still has a long way to go, but her progress so far is amazing!

This summer is getting booked very quickly. We have so many plans for June and July I can't wait! I am going on 3 CHERUBS events: a camping trip in PA, a zoo trip in Boston, and the CHERUBS conference weekend in NC! I am so excited to meet the people that I have been talking to over this last year! We also plan on getting Makayla baptized in July! So many things to do and plan, this summer is going to be a great one!